After I told my husband and he accepted my truth without tossing out like yesterdays trash I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders. It was now time to confront my family again…
Of course my husband had many questions and he was very angry, mostly with my mother. He made several very good points:
- Are my niece and nephews ok? (his children)
- Why have I allowed him to be in our lives?
- How can anyone stand to be around him?
- Can anything be done at this point legally?
These were all the things I have asked myself on a regular basis but did not really have the answers. I called my mother, which in hindsight, was probably wrong. I thought talking to her about this would be different as an adult and that I might be able to finally get some answers. When I got her on the phone and started to talk about it she immediately got defensive and just kept saying over and over again, “What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to believe me!”
“I want you to make sure his kids are ok!”
“I want to know why you didn’t believe me and why you take his side!”
“I want to know why you continue to protect him when you never protected me!”
“I want you to do something instead of denying it!”
“I want him out of my life and I never want to see or hear about him again!”
Of course she couldn’t do any of that so nothing changed except when we saw her she acted like nothing ever transpired between us until my husband confronted her. They got into a shouting match where he defended me and she defended my brother. Nothing worked, she could not do the right thing.
I needed my truth to be heard but I was scared, I told some of my closest friends one time on a trip to the lake and more weight was lifted. I felt a little more free with each person I told but it was eating away at my husband and he needed to talk to someone about how he felt besides me. I decided it was ok for him to talk to his family and a few close friends to help ease his pain. It helped him quite a bit and our marriage. I was never treated any differently by any of these people and only wished I knew sooner that I could do this.
A couple of months later I again called my mother about something unrelated. She brought up my brother because she went to visit him. I LOST IT!!! How can she not understand? I started screaming at her because she wouldn’t listen to reason anymore, she just kept saying it again, “What do you want me to do?” FUCK!!! I told her that I know he has hurt my niece because she acts just like me and that’s not normal behavior. I told her that I don’t ever want to hear about him again. She then told me that she did confront him and he did not deny it but did not confess to it either. Shouldn’t that be enough for her? She said she checked on my niece and was told nothing had happened to her. Ok, I guess that’s possible. Then she told me she had been molested as a little girl so she understands. “NO! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!” “If that happened to you then why did you deny me and why do you protect him? No answer.
No more answers, EVER. She again pushed it under the rug.
I decided to tell my oldest son what had happened to me. I didn’t want to but my counselor thought I should. My other 2 sons were gone out-of-town so I called A over to tell him. He didn’t seem to really grasp what I told him or just didn’t know how to react, he left and we’ve never spoken of it again. This truth-telling was failing within my family. I stopped telling people.